(Source: goonlando, via iconicmonsters)
(Source: goonlando, via iconicmonsters)
I need to come up with $260 or I’ll be sent back home.
I am so stressed that I can’t quit throwing up.
guess who i get to see
tomorrowtoday!?!i can’t wait to kiss him, i can’t wait to pet his hair and fall asleep nestled in his neck.
i can’t wait to touch his face and cuddle him as tight as i can, until my limbs fail me and fall off.
Does he have a cute friend?! Bahahaha.
i found this picture of daniel and matt on a fake profile of daniel’s, and i really like it.
babe, you look so FUUUUUCKING handsome.
Two cutie patooties.
(Source: anditslove, via voxamberlynn)
I’m frustrated.
I am feeling so much when the pollen kept me numb for so long. I am exhausted, but too restless to sleep— in the past five days I have had maybe twelve hours of sleep combined. I can barely eat. I just want to feel normal again if only for a night. And you could make that happen, but you won’t. You are sleeping sound and eating fine, so the fact that I am falling apart does not translate to you.
But I feel like I need it.
And as selfish as it sounds, I don’t want to do what you want to do unless I can do what I want to do. I don’t really have the energy to and you should see it in the bags of my eyes.
But I will not get what I want.
I AM SO SICK OF THIS NEGATIVITY.
You know what? I am sick of seeing hatred towards beautiful girls. A lot of this has been sparked by my following of Amber Lynn, it’s true, but it’s not JUST her. People are so quick to talk shit on anyone’s body. “Oh you’re fat”, “Oh your clothes are revealing so you’re a whore”, “Oh you’re ugly”. No. YOU are ugly, on the inside. Where it matters most. And if all you care about is the way someone looks you are also shallow. I pity you.
SO WHAT if a girl puts up a bunch of pictures on HER blog. SO WHAT if she isn’t dressed like a nun. What the fuck do you care? It sounds like you have some bigger issues you should be concerned with there.
And some of the gorgeous girls I’ve seen called fat are so fucking far from it. Even if they were bigger, why would you feel the need to HURT them because they are comfortable in their own skin? And this is coming from someone who used to have an eating disorder and was prejudiced against people of a bigger size. Everyone has something that’s beautiful about them, regardless of the number on the scale. I have seen some larger chicks who blew my mind with how amazing they looked. Even if you don’t like it, that is a fucking person you are hurting. They cry and bleed and have long nights and ups and downs just like you. They might even have more bullshit to deal with because of their size. Who are you to judge how beautiful someone is? As Courtney Love once said, “Even the ugliest of people have made their lovers beg.”
Oh, and our society’s obsession with being thin? It’s bullshit used to control your mind and sell shit. In certain periods of time, the bigger you were, the HOTTER. I get that it’s one thing if the person is obese because of health problems, but that should make you even MORE hesitant to be mean. That person could have a serious medical condition that makes it hard to impossible to lose weight, and they are slowly dying because of it. You’re an asshole.
And the girls like Amber Lynn who ARE thin but still have curves and get called fat? Fuck you. The female form is beautiful in that there are a million variations. There is no one way to look womanly— and this goes for both sides, for and against thin. You can be a woman with any kind of shape. You still have milk-producing breasts, ovaries, a vagina, you still can make children, etc.
I am so sick of this size hate. THIS is why so many people in the United States have eating disorders. Because everyone blindly buys into this idea that some asshole fashion designer or whoever decided was what looked good. Fuck that and fuck you. It just shows how shallow we can be.
You know what I care about? Being healthy. My genetics do not make it possible for me to be stick thin, and I no longer try to be. So I try to work out and feed it good stuff so I can have the healthiest body nature gave me. Know what else? Being a good person. Helping my fellow man. Being a good friend. Living a good life and being happy. I give a fuck about what size pants I or anyone else wears. I give a fuck about how I or anyone else looks. I am looking for laughter and happiness in this life and I am also looking for that in other people.
Get real.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” — Plato
I just get so disheartened sometimes.
This is your one and only life, people. It goes faster and faster everytime you turn around. And other people face the same mortality. Life is hard enough without bringing yourself or others down. Love your friends and your enemies. Love your family and strangers. This world is so fucked up… We should be looking out for each other, not tearing each other down. Yeah, I’m sure you feel cool when you hurt someone’s feelings, but it’s not cool at all. Every single person you see or come in contact with on a day-to-day basis have cried themselves to sleep, or been done wrong by someone they cared about, or lost a loved one, or struggled to keep their head above water. Where is your compassion for your fellow man? We as a race of mammals have become so cold. And everyone’s guilty of putting someone down or being cruel, because we are a fallible creation by design and sure to make mistakes out of emotion or pain or whatever, but you should strive to get past that, to be better and do better. There isn’t such a high suicide rate, or even such a thing as a suicide rate, because life is easy. It’s hard on everyone at least once. And some people have it better or easier because that’s the luck of the draw, but I bet even those people have felt pain, or sorrow, or loss if you got to know them. And I’m not perfect— nowhere near— but I try to get closer and closer every day, and I’m okay with that. Sometimes I’m better than others. A lot of times, I’m worse. But no matter what I try, and I try to see each and every day as a clean slate for me to try again. I try to always have an open shoulder for anyone who needs it, including and especially strangers. I try to be slow to anger and quick to listen. I try to help the homeless when I can, the sick, the lost, whoever needs it. I try to love everyone, even those I don’t know or might not agree/get along with.
We probably don’t know each other. If we do, I’m sure I’ve hurt you at least once. Maybe we’ll never meet each other, and spend our whole lives as random posts on our respective blogs. Maybe you won’t ever even see this. But I love you. I love your flaws, even if they might upset me at times. I love your strengths. I love your weaknesses for being an integral part of your identity. I love your spiritual beliefs, even though I am an atheist and you might not be. I root for you when you’re the underdog and cheer for you when you’re kicking ass. I love you een though I might sometimes envy you for the straws we’ve drawn in life. I love you even though you’ve hurt me, or will hurt me, or could, because I am capable of the same thing, and those who hurt us help create us. I love you even if you’ve broken my heart, or would if you could. No matter what you have done or will do, even if it goes against everything I stand for and will rise to my feet and fight against, I still love you with all of my heart. I will always be here to listen, or hold your hand, or come pick you up, or maybe even just post things that make you feel better about your life or yourself. Whatever you need I will try my best to provide it for you.
Because biblically we all came from either the dirt or a rib. Fantastically we all came from little bits of stars and the dust of the galaxy. Evolutionarily we all came from the same developing species. Whatever. No matter what, your blood is blue in the vein but turns red when exposed to air just like mine. We all get tired sometimes and I’ll always try to carry you when it’s too much to bear, even if you have wronged me or I have wronged you, because no matter what you were my first love, and you will be my last. I think you are flawlessly flawed. You blow my mind without even doing anything. I adore you, and I love you, forever and ever. Even if you don’t love me, it’s okay. I still love you.
The human condition is that of suffering
And it gets me so, so sad sometimes.
I would gladly take all of your pain if it meant you could breathe easy at night. I promise I will always fight for you, even when I’m tired, because you deserve a good happy life, and anyone who doesn’t have that has been cheated. I just want to make it all beautiful for you, the way it usually looks to me.
As a Gemini, I was astrologically cursed to contain two souls in one body.
The tragic comedy is that these souls are complete dualities, the poet and the clown, and I spend my life wavering on the tightrope between their natural polarities. Eternally confused. Laughing through my tears and crying through my laughter.
The world is so beautiful, it hurts. The world is filled with such sadness, it hurts.
I will never know how I truly feel.
